I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
