you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
