I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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