I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
