im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize