instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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