I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize