Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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