But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
