I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
