Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
