my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
