So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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