I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize