Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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