tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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