I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
