Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The air was thick with penises
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
