You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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