The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
