All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
