I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
