I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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