you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
