If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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