also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
