They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
