I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize