I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
