her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
