so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
