you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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