So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
