wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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