It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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