I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
