he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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