Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
