Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
