I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
