I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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