He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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