Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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