never play flip cup with pint glasses
farters have to be the big spoon...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
