And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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