David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
