Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
