Please, let me fuck your mom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
