Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
