none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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