Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
