he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
