Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
