Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
