I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
