I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
