someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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