It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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