My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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