The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
