I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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