The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
