he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize