do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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