You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Couch. On fire.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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