and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
