"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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