from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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