hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
