hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fuck appropriateness.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
