We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
