Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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