I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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