I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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