Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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