Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
