i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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