I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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