This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
