So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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